Hi Marshall,

Your seven steps and suggestions covered a lot of ground, which makes it tricky to add to the question and discussion.

Any individual who is experiencing self-confidence issues needs to do an honest, introspective analysis of their self. This process may be exceedingly difficult to accomplish considering the fact that there are so many variables that make each person who they are.

As such, I wish to share 3 concepts that are related to the self and the resultant expression of self-confidence or lack thereof.

1. Self-conviction - when individuals are performing actions (in whatever shape or form they may be), how sure are they of them? That is, is the action being performed with a crisp and clear mind free of self-doubt? For example, a golfer who is chipping just off the green in deep and thick rough is in a perilous position, especially if the rough is taller than 4 inches and growing in many different directions and they have short-sided themselves. However, the successful execution of such a shot is largely based on practice and self-conviction. The golfer must be convinced they can execute the shot. Of course, even flawless self-conviction does not account for bad luck (the ball is sitting very unfavorably). Unfortunately we cannot control such statisical fluctuations. However, we can control the state of our mind as we draw our lob wedge back and drive through the ball, hoisting it straight up in the air, allowing for a soft bounce and limited amount of roll. So, when a golfer is convinced in their own mind that they can execute the necessary flop shot, however daunting it may be, the likelihood of that execution automatically goes up by leaps and bounds. Have you ever seen Tiger Woods march down a fairway? I have at the Buick Invitational just this past January - self-confidence drips off that guy!

2. Self-efficacy - this is closely related to the concept of self-conviction. A formal definition of self-efficacy is something like "an individual's belief that they have the ability to perform actions with reasonable success on a day-to-day basis". In some ways, it seems difficult to separate self-efficacy and self-conviction. Although self-efficacy may be more aligned with an individual's internal thought process as they ready themselves for action - perhaps the idea that an individual has self-talk in their head that helps them gain or lose momentum just before another action is performed.

3. Self-esteem - this is the more touchy feely self-concept - the one that most people, especially high-powered people generally do not like to address. When we speak of self-esteem, we are often referring to those intimate feelings and vulnerabilities that are held so close, which make us feel good or bad. As humans, we covet and protect these feelings, not letting anyone whom we do not explicity trust grab a hold. To me, self-esteem or how one feels about one self is the foundation for which almost all else is built upon. Once the self "feels good and respected", efficacious and determined behavior surge to the forefront like a tidal wave in a motion filled sea.

If self-confidence is the issue at hand, the leader's actions need to be evaluated. What does a typical day look like? What are the specific actions being performed? What actions are completed smoothly and what actions are not? It may be beneficial to identify the successful actions first, then focus on the areas that are presenting challenges. In that way, the leader is effective in the first instance - promoting high self-regard. After an individual sees their self in a high regard, then it becomes much easier to offer suggestions and criticisms.

The more an individual believes and thinks they are competent and confident, the more an individual can become authentic, patient, collaborative, and receptive. To me, the ability to listen with a large capacity is paramount for establishing and renewing a sense of self-confidence. Tentatively speaking, the constant need to dominate and win conversations while listening with minimal intensity may be a sign of wavering and uncertain self-esteem - the excessive need to be me and not knowing why that excessive need is there.

Anyway, I kind of rambled on there - I hope some of my thoughts made sense.

Thanks for the article Marshall - thought-spawning as usual.

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Matthew - Thank you for this excellent discussion! This is a multi-faceted topic!

Dear Marshall,

Very thought provoking question and rich response. I will share the following observations and suggestions:

1. A leader gains self confidence one small victory at a time
2. An authentic leader who listens, collaborates, gives credit to her team, and works to make her teammates successful will be respected and receive positive feedback from her teammates. This, in turn, will cause her self confidence to grow
3. Never let them see you sweat
4. Try visualization. Play through that difficult meeting in you head. Visualize yourself giving that killer presentation to your team. Anticipate their reactions and yours. It really works!
5. Be patient. Learn from your mistakes.
6. Be the type of leader you would follow.

Good luck.

Dear Marshall,

Very thought provoking question and rich response. I will share the following observations and suggestions:

1. A leader gains self confidence one small victory at a time
2. An authentic leader who listens, collaborates, gives credit to her team, and works to make her teammates successful will be respected and receive positive feedback from her teammates. This, in turn, will cause her self confidence to grow
3. Never let them see you sweat
4. Try visualization. Play through that difficult meeting in you head. Visualize yourself giving that killer presentation to your team. Anticipate their reactions and yours. It really works!
5. Be patient. Learn from your mistakes.
6. Be the type of leader you would follow.

Good luck.

Marshall –

Great list! Your first 6 tips cover the most important aspect of confidence, that’s BEING confident. However, sometimes, new leaders in particular, need to learn how to SOUND confident, even if they may be shaking in their shoes. We often see this when we have new managers present proposals at the end of a leadership program to senior executives. Building on your 7th tip, here are 5 more tips on how to demonstrate confident behaviors:

1.Take a stand; express your personal conviction and beliefs. Doesn’t just be a reporter.

2.Be passionate, heartfelt, and sincere, and authentic. “When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object” – Milton Kundera

3.Demonstrate commitment, often by the use of first person. Use “I” when appropriate – not as an ego trip, but as a demonstration of your own conviction.

4.Make a bold declaration, a “BHAD” (big, hairy, audacious goal)

5.Use strong, colorful, unambiguous language

Perhaps it the behaviors can be learned and demonstrated, confidence will follow!

Dan

Lawrence - Thank you for this outstanding post! Your comments - along with Matthew's and Dan's are inspiring me to write more about this topic. One of my future books will explore this in detail. I love the 'one victory at a time' idea.
Dan - Thank you! I learned one of the lessons that you are discussing from Peter Drucker. 'When we speak from our own heart - we don't have to worry about getting the quote right!'
Readers - Any more ideas are appreciated.

Marshall

Your post, and the resultant comments all resonate with me, as a leader who is constantly looking to self assess and answer the question "why would anybody be led by me".

In addition to the aspects noted around having the courage of your convictions and authenticity in acting on them, I've found that asking your stakeholders about what they in fact want from you as a leader and how you are going in delivering goes a long way to giving me the confidence to press on. It also allows me to address any failings and hopefully engender their confidence in being led by me. As you noted, we are all human!

Enjoy reading your posts.

Philip

Marshall,

I am wounded. How come I did not get the adjective of "outstanding" ascribed to my comments? Am I only worthy of "excellent"? :)

Ahh...now there is another idea or question with respect to leadership, interaction, and self-confidence. Do people or key stakeholders pay attention to adjective use when they are being praised in relation to others? Is this something novel that leaders will now have to pay attention to and consider? Then again, it may be difficult for leaders to use the same adjectives and forms of praise over and over again because of the nagging reality of "redundancy". There are many questions that can be asked with respect to the topic of praise and how it is dispensed.

Here is an interesting thought;

If you have a board room filled with 8 people and 1 leader and the leader is asked to individually praise each member one at a time (and each member hears every praise), how will the members react if the praise sequentially happens in the following way;

Person 1 - good work.
Person 2 - great work.
Person 3 - excellent work.
Person 4 - amazing work.
Person 5 - incredible work.
Person 6 - unbelievable work.
Person 7 - outstanding work.
Person 8 - exceptional work.

The list of praising is designed to show how adjectives can be ranked in terms of worth and appreciation (where "exceptional work" is considered to be the finest cut of beef). This kind of appraisal and thinking may be a little loopy, but I do believe most people (especially in a working environment) will pay close attention to how they are being described by their superiors, especially when comparing themselves to co-workers.

Anyway, I think that is a new, somewhat off-the-wall idea for you. How does the ranking of adjectives and subsequent expressions of praise (keeping competition in mind) affect the self-confidence, morale, and motivation of the team? If Tom leaves the board room feeling less adequate than Joe, does Tom's motivation and productivity decrease?

On a different note, what is the connection between corporate competition, emotional reactivity, and subsequent creativity? Are leaders merely puppetmasters that know how to pull the right strings, which in turn activate certain creative behaviors in individuals?

Anyway, that is my extra input for now.

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Dear Sir,

Very good topic regarding "Leadership & Self Confidence".

One very important thing, which really boosts the self-confidence of a leader, is " Problem Solving Capabilities and an attitude towards problem solving”.

Any person with a diehard problem solving attitude and can rally solve difficult business problems is bound to have a high level of self confidence, and can make many more subordinates/followers with the similar kind of attitude/mindsets towards problem solving can be an exiting leader with high level of confidence.

With Warm Regards,

Dear Sir,

I am very pleased with the responses seen as I have great interest in this topic.
One thing I have observed, as I embark on this journey is that true leaders appear to be unassuming. This characteristic comes across as knowledge of self and capabilities, with a readiness to refine any shortcomings through acceptance and challenges.

A leader is also passionate about the path to be taken, even if no one is following!

Thanks to everyone for their input to my growth.

Regards,
V. Mollineau

Hi Marshall (and all respondants),

Always enjoy the columns and resulting conversations.

My response to the question is what are the bosses doing about it? While the question places focus on the leader as being individually responsible in growing her self-confidence, how do the bosses see their role (if any)in this learning process? Taking a more socially situated perspective to the issue, one might ask to what degree does our working culture provide, or limit, confidence, presence, and mindful engagement from our people?

In my experience, self-confidence is interconnected to the relationships and environment one is situated within. Which makes me curious to ask what are the peer learning opportunities afforded to the individual from both bosses and peers in further developing and 'scaffolding' her with rich and robust development opportunities to increase her sense of confidence and self-efficacy?

It becomes for me an opportunity for exploring improved performance amongst a team, or community of practitioners, as opposed to attempting to increase self-confidence in isolation, and perhaps detached from the context in which her self-confidence is needed most.

Just some quick thoughts..
Andrew Wojecki

Hi Marshall (and all respondants),

Always enjoy the columns and resulting conversations.

My response to the question is what are the bosses doing about it? While the question places focus on the leader as being individually responsible in growing her self-confidence, how do the bosses see their role (if any)in this learning process? Taking a more socially situated perspective to the issue, one might ask to what degree does our working culture provide, or limit, confidence, presence, and mindful engagement from our people?

In my experience, self-confidence is interconnected to the relationships and environment one is situated within. Which makes me curious to ask what are the peer learning opportunities afforded to the individual from both bosses and peers in further developing and 'scaffolding' her with rich and robust development opportunities to increase her sense of confidence and self-efficacy?

It becomes for me an opportunity for exploring improved performance amongst a team, or community of practitioners, as opposed to attempting to increase self-confidence in isolation, and perhaps detached from the context in which her self-confidence is needed most.

Just some quick thoughts..
Andrew Wojecki

Dear Marshall,

Loved the post!

Leaders dont always know the answer; nobody knows the right answers and everybody is sort of feeling their way around problems, by trial and mostly by error! So its really quite ok if you make "wrong" calls as long as you learn from it.

Everyone is looking at the leader and modelling themselves on him. So, as you say, its vital to be a picture of self confidence even if privately you're wracked by doubts. If your team sees or senses your fear they too will catch the infection and very quickly the execution and performance unravels completely. That's why, to quote from the Bhagavad Gita, role models must model the role!

V.K.Madhav Mohan

Dear Marshall,

Here's another thought: the Madhav Mohan rule for self-confidence: self-confidence is directly proportionate to the diversity of personal experiences and the degree of difficulty of problems faced in the past.

V.K.Madhav Mohan

Philip - An excellent - and counter-intuitive - observation. Leaders who 'ask' are almost always seen as having MORE confidence - not less!
Matthew - A FASCINATING observation - I hope that is a good word! Worthy of more research to check out your ideas.
Debashish - Who is a great problem solver that you have met? Can you give us and example of how that impacted you?
V - Your comments are very consistent with Jim Collins view of the 'level 5' leader - passionate, yet humble.

Marshall,

Many of the insights shared are about creating the right mindset-- belief in self and managing mental processes, which I agree are essential and helpful to understand. I also believe that when addressing the issue of self-confidence, context is quite important. For example, gender and race often present distinct challenges in developing self confidence. In these cases, the right mindset needs to be reinforced with confidence building actions.

Here are a few thoughts on actions women can take to reinforce a self-confident mindset --

1. Find an effective communication style. It is well documented that for women working in male dominant cultures (typical of most US firms) the range of acceptable behaviors are narrow -- if they act like a women they are discounted and if they act like a man they are considered too aggressive. The female stereotype can result in micro-inequities that erode self-confidence. It helps to observe the communication styles of highly respected and successful women in your organization as a start.

2. Make it a priority to develop relationships (particularly with peers) and networks. In a recent study I conducted, the failure to recognize the importance of developing strategic relationships and networks impacted the confidence with which women approached their transitions to first management positions. In contrast, men placed a high priority/value on relationships and networks. Consequently, when men stumbled, their networks came out of the woodwork to support them; when women stumbled, they felt isolated.

3. Practice staying present in the moment and drawing on natural instincts/intuition. Many women I have interviewed over think daily situations in terms of whether it is part of a pattern relative to the past or likely to have an impact on their careers going forward. It is a matter of being able to differentiate when you are being strategic versus when are you overanalyzing. It may help your focus to write down the current situation and what you need right now to address it.

Andrew - You are right. A person's manager can make a big difference in his or her self-confidence. This could be an entire post in an of itself!
Madhav - I love 'role models must model the role'! Sometimes in life we must 'play the part' no matter how we feel on the inside.
VK - My only modification of your thought is 'successful' experience in the past. Negative experience can damage self-confidence.
C - A interesting 'twist' on the question - looking at gender differences. I would suggest that you look at the work done on this topic by my friend, Sally Helgesen, and let me know what you think. Please send me your research - or leave a link on this blog for our readers. I am sure that they would love to read your work!

Experience shows that your immediate decision is usually the right one. And when you think over it and go on over and over again you would go into doubts. Leadership is about taking bold quick decisions. Have the confidence that what you initially think is the right thing to do.

Thats what great leaders do - they have the confidence to believe and act upon what initally comes to mind and take it through with confidence.

be realistic.
be authentic.
be observant.
be enthusiastic.
be humble.
be empathetic (seek mutual purpose and mutual respect).
be open.
be credible.
be generous (with the benefit of the doubt)
learn to reason.

Harris - 'Following your heart' is generally good advice for life. Thank you!
Gregg - Thank you for 'being poetic'!