This is not a specific story, but a theme I have noticed over the years in management. The truly difficult person to manage is one who provides needed assets to the company, but their temperament brings liabilities to the company as well. When the liabilities appear to outweigh the assets, the dilemma question is, “Does the company have the ability to replace the assets being brought to the company by the employee, and does their temperament warrant dismissal?” For large corporations that provide services to the government, the latter half of that question can be a delicate one to resolve.

Spot on, but what a frustrating lesson to learn.

How exhausting to give and give (being fooled that you are "giving") but realize that you are being sucked dry.

I think in trying to change my wife or our kids, I find that it is I that needs the change the most. And, boy, am I a frustrating patient!

Thanks, Jason M. Blumer

What about being on the other end of the situation?
Is it worth trying to change management to even consider your points of view? I try and try at times to no avail.
I want to make an impact, I want to contribute but sometimes I am pushed aside only to be left with the old way.

Is it worth trying?

Allen - You make a great point. Leaders need to make an 'is it worth it' analysis before dismissing anyone. Each situation will be different.
Jason - I agree. We often cannot change others, but we can change ourselves.
Joe - Back to the 'cost benefit analysis' comment, each situation is different. You have to ask 'is it worth it' before 'fighting the battle'.

I understand and concur with everyones sentiments. I must say however, that by introducing the idea of keeping each situation 'relative' you have a greater opportunity to garner understanding from your manager, friend or colleague. In efforts of 'solving' the current issue perhaps permanent change is not feasible, rather temporary positive gains to be created by maintaining this perspective.

Sir,

Spending time and effort on people who do not wish to change is futile. In most of the organizations that I have had the privilege to observe closely, one common thread has been visible. One can find a few outstanding performers who do not want to change. These employees are smart, work hard, go beyond the call of duty, and deliver results. They have all the answers. They do not like being told there may be a better way. Best Practices and Benchmarking mean nothing to them.

In such a situation, the organization faces a dilemma. Since the employees have many positive traits, it is difficult to fire them. There is no guarantee that a replacement would be any better. On the other hand, moving to the next level of excellence requires a qualitative change in several processes. And this is where the performers become the stumbling blocks. I am almost tempted to hypothesize that a relationship seems to exist between acceptable and consistent performance and resistance to change. It is far easier to change average performers to be achievers than it is to change achievers to align with process changes.

Patience and perseverence seem to work even with such cases. The question remains - is it worth the effort and time? Where does one draw the line?

Warm Regards

It sounds to be hopeless for the typical unwilling-to-change.For the organisation,it makes sense to buid up the relationship just as your Dad and Mom:one can complaining and coaching,the other can listen and may change.
What's your opinion?

Yes, I have had my share of people who are unwilling to change or at least look at any situation from a point of view different than theirs. However, in every situation where I was attempting to demonstrate a different perspective to a client, student or friend and would encounter resistance, I would constantly ask myself, “Am I doing this to help this person to solve his problems or to purely impose my views on his?" This would make me change my approach from "I know better than you so you'd better listen to me" to that of "I would really like to help you solve this problem so let us look at it from several angles before making a decision, shall we?" More than 90% of the time, this change in approach was sufficient in making the client, student or friend more relaxed and open to ideas or suggestions different than their own. In short, there was a paradigm shift from a purely sales approach to that of a marketing approach. Simple and yet oh so effective!

Raj Bose
Faculty - University of Phoenix

Hi Marshall,

The talking bird analogy is graphically and suggestively hilarious.

I often received similar words of wisdom from my dad - let it go.

Off the top of my head, I recall a success story of helping out an old high school buddy. To cut to the chase, I was successful at convincing him that the taunting words and misplaced intentions of some of our knee-slappin, beer glass tiltin' buddies need not bother or discourage his forward movement in life. At that time, it was clear as day that their words chewed him up inside. Fortunately, he quickly changed his outlook and began taking deconstructive comments with a grain of salt.

Quite interestingly, my story of failure that seems to be repeating over and over again like a broken record comes from the person in my life who has always advised - let it go. Ain't that a kick in the pants!

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
MGSM: Special Topics Friend

Nick - Good point. Although people not care about a 'big change' they may be willing to try a 'small change'.
BV - I believe that there is no one answer to your question. I would suggest just doing a basic 'cost-benefit' analysis - and then deciding.
Vincent - I am not suggesting that no one ever gets 'coverted'. I am suggesting - and this is backed by research - coaching people who don't care is seldom the best use of the coaches time.
Raj - Thank you!
Matthew - Take the great advice. 'Let it go!'

There are always people who won´t change their behavior.
The fact is, thanks to this kind of people, the development of companies and organisations will grow faster then others, where evrybody is concentrated on the subject of change.
I believe Dr Goldsmith could give us some deeper aspects on this
- or is it impossible to change a value, an attitude here?

Jan - I strongly beleive that any of us can change any behavior if we choose to do so. I also know that it is often not cost-efficient to ignore the people who truly care - and spend our time trying to 'convert' people who do not care.

Greetings,

At one time, I had the privilege of coaching a mid level executive in a well known company. After I did the 360 degree interviews and came back to him with the results of his adverse impact on others he shared with me his unwillingness to believe the results and he insisted that it was the other individuals misunderstanding.

After several weeks of introspection and discussing life in general and his ultimate aspirations, he finally recognized it was in his own best interest to try to change. It was this shift in 'attitude' that moved the coaching relationship from 'doomed for failure' to I am willing to listen and change. Fast forward ~ 12 months, his behavior changed and his impact on the organization improved substantially.

Years later he tells me this 'intervention' saved his career. I like to say to others: He did all the hard work, I just helped him recognize that he needed to shift his attitude. Once this shift occurred, his improvement was rapid.

Phil Holberton
Adjunct Faculty
Brandeis University