Hi Marshall,

I don't know, this article seems to take a walk on the wild side. Many points are raised that make the vast majority of us squirmishly uncomfortable.

I think favoritism is a natural part of life. We tend to have a welcoming and encouraging attitude to those who see and experience life in a similar way.

Sycophant is an uncommon and fancifully harsh word. Surely we do not want leaders thinking and broadcasting that their stars players and surrounding staff are leeches. I thought the global economy is interdependent? Although, in some form or another, all of us become sycophants for some kind of validation (vocational, social, emotional).

"Great suck-ups appear to be your true friends"? Wow! Please if you have not seen it, rent the movie "Good Will Hunting". In this movie Matt Damon (Boy Genius) and Robin Williams (Wise psychologist) have a "taster's choice" moment on a park bench as they watch swans swim in a pond.

One of my questions is this - Do the leaders of the organizations you deal with have enough "taster's choice" moments beside the pond with their key players?

I think part of the problem is that we humans often get too wrapped up in who had the crispiest, most succulent duck and creamiest butter during last Thanksgiving. Perhaps it is time for the "big kahuna's" to be a little less obsessed with the "crispiness factor" while renewing a commitment to the "Taster's choice factor" - sitting on a park bench and shooting the breeze about the personal side of life.

If the movie "Good Will Hunting" teaches us anything, it is that some people do not merely appear to be friends, they actually are friends that see the world in a very similar light.

Marshall, this is an interesting idea. I hadn't thought of how I might be encouraging favoritism myself. I know it's frustrating for me when I see that my hard work is going unnoticed and my ideas unheard because I'm not in the 'in' group.

My question for you is: What can I do when I'm not the one being favored?

Hi Marshal:
A very good artcle on how to avoid favoritism. However, managers would always favor the dogs. My question is "How to avoid being at the other end of the stick?"

Thanks and regards
Suvendu

Dear Sir,

Excellent Post .As you said "Favoritism" is not a very likable word in a professionally managed firm.

Very often we come across words like " Blue Eyed Boy" or " In the good books" of the top boss.

Executives want be in the above two, again the boss, wants his time tested and trusted men to execute the job, he is comfortable in delegating the job to his trusted and tested lieutenants.

Here is flip side; we very often come across managers who convert these blue-eyed boys as his favorites. Even many a times the Favorites take undue advantages of this situation and the Boss covers him up.

Please go thru this link:
http://www.businessworld.in/content/view/4233/4341

Actually speaking a manager with a balance mind who himself can do introspections and can do analysis of situations without getting biased develops his own EQ, obviously now modern HR management is giving more emphasis on EQ over IQ.

With high EQ the sense of judgment increases and correct decisions can be taken, then" Favoritism “ can take a back seat.
"Adult-Adult" TA can solve this in real world we come across
"Parant-Adult" situations.

With Warm Regards

This article presupposes two things:
1. The dog does not have always the owner's best interests in mind, and that,
2. The family members always do.

Being an ardent dog lover and having observed even the closest of family members sometimes cause pain and discomfort to others all in the name of selfishness, I would exercise great caution before attempting to label my subordinates as dogs or family member way before even attempting to separate them.

If I needed to check for favoritism among my subordinates, I would ask myself the following questions:
1. Can this person carry out his responsibilities in a timely fashion or do his actions usually need close monitoring and constant reminding of task, deadlines and quality of work?
2. Does he report to me only when good things happen and tries to evade giving me the bad news as well?
3. Is his communication more about work-related issues or are they more about inter-personal issues at work?
4. Does he consider himself part of a team or “higher” than the “low-lives” he has to work with?
5. Are his words, actions and behavior consistent in nature and related to the betterment of the organization and its goals or are they geared more towards attaining his personal goals and recognition in the eyes of his superiors?
6. Does he spend more time doing his work or telling me about it ?

If my approach seems a bit unrealistic, one can do a quick survey of all the comments any Discussion Leader on the HBR forum has received from readers on the various articles they have written so far in their blogs. Are most of them agreeing with the writer? Or do they beg to differ? In either case what are their motives: a response based on logic, knowledge and experience or that based on being in the writer's good books? You will get the picture :)

Raj Bose
Faculty - University of Phoenix

Marshall,

Interseting article. I wish I had read it sooner. Unfortunately I was bitten by a "dog" I once had because I mistook the sucking-up for true friendship.

I can appreciate what Matthew said when he stated, "some people do not merely appear to be friends, they actually are friends". I couldn't agree more. I would use caution if I were you Matthew. As Marshall stated in his article, "great suck-ups appear to be your true friends". I would challenge anyone to tell the difference. The subordinate that bit me played a very convincing part for nearly two years before I got bit, and I was bit hard. In my opinion, it is never a good idea to become too friendly with any subordinate.

Once bitten, twice shy.

Angela Dodge

Is getting ahead by sucking up worth it?
Suck ups fail to express their own ideas.
Personally I speak up if its something I feel passionate about. I am a living breathing thinking individual. I am not a mindless robot suck up. If it costs me on the ladder....so be it.
Life is not about who gets up the ladder by turning off their brain and sacrificing self esteem, morals, and individuality for the sake of reaching the top.
Life is about enjoying the ride.
Family, friends, and a wicked ride.
In the end......the corporate ladder just doesnt matter!

Rock on!

Sir,

I may be the odd man out on this issue; it doesn't matter.

My priorities are:

3. Contribution to the organization and its stakeholders: We collect extensive feedback from all stakeholders - students, parents, university administrators, corporate recruiters, and add self and peer group evaluation to complete the process. Recognition and rewards are based only on the outcome of such measurement.

4. I make it a point to recognize positive outcomes whenever and wherever possible. It may be a mere word of appreciation, it may be a thank you note, it may be an inexpensive gift - it is always from the heart.

1 & 2: Many of the people whom I admire for their commitment and contribution to organizational goals may not like me personally. My uncompromising set of values is often at loggerheads with theirs. My philosophical roots come in very handy here. I tend to look at all of this with a sense of detachment. Yes, I have a job to do, sometimes I have to take unpleasant decisions, but I am not overly concerned about the consequences for personal relationships. In my team, I hardly have anyone with a background similar to mine. I love diversity and that is a great learning experience by itself.

I recognize that each individual is unique and has the potential to be a value creator. Nurturing and encouraging talent are vital tasks for a manager. At the end of the day, I respect people for what they are - not for what I want them to be.

Warm Regards

it has being my ultmost desire seing my organisation going from good to better but all seems abortive when tribalism and religion set my hard work went down the drain as my director and junior staff compromise to frustrate my effort because they from thesame town

Matthew - Thank you for this thoughtful post. You make an excellent point - where does 'sucking up' stop - and 'customer service' begin?
Marilyn - Please read my previous post on 'Effectively Influencing Up'. I hope that it helps!
suvendu - Same advice as for Marilyn!
Raj - I love your checklist! Thank you!
JD - Thank you! It is great to have a reader - who is also poetic!
B V - I have no doubt that you are very sincere - and that you are actually reporting who you believe you are. Almost none of the leaders I know consciously encourage 'suck-ups'. This is something that we don't to see - and sometimes cannot see - in ourselves.
john - You situation is unfortunate. Is it possible for you to leave? If not, you may have to learn to 'make peace' with an unfair situation.

Angela,

Thanks for showing interest in a couple of my thoughts.

Like you, I have also been bitten. In fact, I have been bitten twice (the second time very hard). Both bites, however, took place in my personal life.

I think I know the anguish of being mislead, it creates embarrassment and damages the ego. We think "how could I have been so naive, so blinded"?

After forgiving myself for the second time, I recommitted to the positive position of hope. I think the ability to distinguish between acting out of hope and fear is critical for revitalizing our perspectives in any aspect of life.

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Dr. Goldsmith, Very good post that brings to light the short fall of many on both sides of the coin and the hidden agenda that lies in the spirit of many (the suck-ups). I have always believed there is a fine line between good manners and sucking up and most of us can tell the difference when you look close enough at the genuine value of what is produced by the "favored child". In my expereince I have found that competence bears confidence, couple this with good manners a respectful attitude and and maintaining a business relationship that focuses on the goals of the enterprise and one has a win-win situation if youo can maintain this across the board...It's all about balance and constantly reminding yourself what is important. In business, do we really have "friends" or are they really just quid pro quo relationships.

Yes, it is very much tried and tested truths that suck-up are feel good for leader/boss but kill the organization.
It is very well explained in the above writing while comparing the suck-up to the dog .but one thing can be safely added in this that dog do not harm any family member of his owner, but suck-up do to family of leader (i.e. organization).they not only kill the time of self and boss/leader but also create situation where worker feel demoralized ,he try to put other member of the organization, one by one, in the negative list of boss and in this way not only boss start loosing its effectiveness but employee also loose its efficiency.
This way, with effective use of his practice, the suck-up the create the environment where organization leads to destruction. And anyway dog don’t create that position.
So it can be concluded that suck-up are more dangerous animal

Matthew - Congratulations! It can be tough to make a 'comeback' after we have had a bad experience. On the other hand, this is the only way to ever end up with a positive experience.
WS - Thank you for this thoughtful differential between 'sucking-up' and 'customer service'.
UKAGARWAL - Excellent point! 'Suck-ups' can do much more damage than dogs!

Dear Marshall,

Nice advice on avoiding suck-ups. It was already mentioned that favoritism is many times detrimental to the organization. I would like to add that many times the person who is a suck-up ends up on the receiving end too. Lets take a scenario, x is sucking up to y, and y is sucking to z. Now if y thinks that x is a friend or a good worker, he/she might go to x more often and because x never says no to y, ends up doing more work.

Managers looking to make stronger points need their views to be supported and they look up for support from these suck-ups and when things go wrong these ideas become sole property of suck-ups. Sometimes they are bad for managers too, because these suck-ups are first to jump off the plane when the ride is shaky.

Sachin

sachitanand - Excellent point. 'Suck ups' are generally looking out for their own self-interest - and may not have a sincere concern with either the manager or the company.