Marshall Goldsmith Ask the Coach RSS Feed

Setting Life Priorities

7:15 PM Saturday November 24, 2007

Tags:Personal effectiveness

I am asked quite often by the executives I coach to give my best advice on how to set "big" life priorities. Here is a short synopsis of what I suggest.

Imagine that you are on your death bed. Here comes your last breath. But just before you take it, you are given a beautiful gift -- the ability to go back in time and give advice to the person reading this column.

What advice would the wise old you -- who knows now what's really important and what isn't - have for the you that is reading this column.

Whatever you are thinking now: just do that. In terms of performance appraisals, this is the only one that really matters. If the old person on the death bed thinks that you're the right thing -- you are. If that old person thinks that you're screwing up -- you are.

These three themes emerge often in the advice given by older people who are actually facing death:

1. Find happiness and meaning now -- not next week, next month or next year. The great Western disease is "I will be happy when... When I have the BMW! The condo! The promotion!" Don't get so wrapped up in looking at what you don't have -- that you fail to appreciate what you do have.

2. Love your friends and family. When you look around your death bed, no fellow employees are going to be waving goodbye. Understand that friends and family are important. They are the only ones who are and who really matter.

3. If you have a dream, go for it. If you don't go for it when you are 35 -- you may not when you are 45, 65 or 85. None of us are going to achieve all of our dreams. If we do, we will just make up new ones. People who at least tried to achieve their dreams are happier with their lives.

If you ever get confused on what really matters, just take a second and check in with that "old you" who is waiting to die. Keep listening to that person's wise advice.You won't regret it later.

Have a question you'd like to me to address? You can submit it by either adding a comment to this post or by e-mailing it to askthecoach@hbsp.harvard.edu

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Comments

Sir,

Thought-provoking, as always.

We have a saying that I am fond of - one can satisfy one's needs but one cannot satisfy one's greeds. If only we can introspect at the end of each day whether we have done anything to make a little, positive difference, we would probably find life meanigful in a profound sense. And happiness is a state of mind that has to come from within. One wonders whether any examples of people finding happiness from an external stimulus exist.

While loving family and friends, a rider may be in order. Going back to the roots of philosophy, all these (family and friends included) are transcient. The metaphor of the water-drop on the lotus leaf has been used to illustrate the concept of attached detachment or detached attachment. Love - yes by all means, but let that not overwhelm us. Death is nature's great equalizer - the only question is who precedes whom.

Talking of dreams, can these not change over time? At 25, a career and success may be vital. At 65, finding a deeper meaning and being a role-model for those around may make better sense. The critical factor may be the passion and sincerety with which we pursue our dreams.

Warm Regards

- Posted by B V Krishnamurthy 
November 27, 2007 12:04 AM

Dear BVK - Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I agree that dreams can change over time. In many cases, young professsionals desire status, money and power. Over time these dreams may mature into happiness, meaning and contribution.

- Posted by Marshall Goldsmith 
November 30, 2007 7:44 PM

We are who we are as a result of the cumulative effect of small daily decisions we make starting at the onset of our adult lives. It is at that age one subconsciously makes decisions about the measures and totems of their life’s success.

In terms of priorities, there really only can be one priority. If something is number two priority, we’ve already made the choice that it isn’t that important. Everything else supports the accomplishment of that one priority.

Business mirrors life, or is it vice versa?

Joe

- Posted by Joe Schmid 
December 9, 2007 7:26 AM

Thanks Marshall,

Our work in developing transformational leaders supports the importance of events that force a person to fundamentally challenge the alignment between what they truly value and their day-to-day life. It is through finding true personal purpose, not a simple learning of competencies, that leaders can become more transformational.

I love the quote below:

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
~Henry David Thoreau

Readers may enjoy the following pdf article on 'The Inner Game of Leadership'
http://www.leadershipdevelopment.edu.au/SiteMedia/w3svc674/Uploads/Documents/The%20Inner%20Game%20of%20Leadership-1.pdf

Kindest Regards
Shaun

- Posted by Shaun Killian, Director, Australian Leadership Development Centre 
December 9, 2007 6:33 PM

Joe - I believe that 'business' and 'life' mirror each other. Although some people are very 'different' at home than at work, most of us are not. This is especially true for professionals who are psychologically attached to their work.
Shaun - These thoughts are good for ALL of us. Thank you!

- Posted by Marshall Goldsmith 
December 31, 2007 11:53 AM

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Marshall Goldsmith

Marshall Goldsmith is a world authority in helping successful leaders achieve positive, lasting change in behavior. Dr. Goldmith's 24 books include What Got You Here Won't Get You There, an NYT best seller, WSJ #1 business book and Harold Longman Award winner for Business Book of the Year. He has been recognized as one of the world's leading executive educators and coaches in BusinessWeek, the Economist, Forbes and The Times of London. His articles and videos are available online at MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com and he can be reached at Marshall@MarshallGoldsmith.com His latest book is Succession: Are You Ready?:

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