Hi there,
nice article, and compelling - instead of how to manage talented generation Y, there is one voice to say it actually might be not so good.
Well, depend on people and their cultural matrix.
Perhaps in near future we will have crash-courses on HOW TO BE HUMBLE :)
So...
I really wonder what is so wrong about being narcissistic? Once, on some job interview, I was asked if I am narcissistic.
Of course, I said Yes, Sir, and - got the job.
No wonder - I live on that feelings and making money of it giving contiunal contribution in field I work, just to see - my superior outcomes, end to enjoy them for a day or two...
What is wrong with it?
Narcissistic people are NOT insensitive and agresive ones, its just assumption, meta-text, interpretation.
And ask yourself, WHAT WOULD IT FEEL LIKE if one think of himself as an insignificant part of Universe? Where would he/she end up with?
Certainly not on this website and this topic :)
If one can encompass that narcissism, also can gain a remarkable employee. And since this is not a world of copycats, I vote in favor :)

Oh,
one more thing ' I dont see anz RSS FEED button here?
I am lucky to be Google addicted, so I have that awesome Google gadget with feed on the sidebar, but it might be good idea to add it ;)

I heard a presentation a couple of weeks ago that also claimed Gen Y is narcissistic. This seemed at odds with research and claims that they have a very altruistic streak (see, for example, http://www.businessweek.com/bwdaily/dnflash/may2005/nf2005054_4640_db_083.htm).

After some thought, I tend to agree with you that it is really a description of self confidence. Gen Y, as a group, see themselves as individually important. Their identity exists and is worthwhile outside of what they do. The result is that they need to be given activities that they see as suitable for someone of their importance. It doesn't mean they won't perform; they want to see the work as significant and meaningful.

Back when I was a youngster (20-something)in the mid-1980s, I was cautioned by several of my bosses to not speak up so much at meetings, that it was disrespectful to the elders and overtly challenged their conventional thinking. I had been told by my professors in college (equivalent to the parents of today) that I was part of the first generation of women who could achieve anything they wanted to achieve. I just wanted to make a contribution and challenging the thinking (when appropriate) was the whole point! So I went into the world with that assumption and tried to make my mark. However, the older generation of bosses at the time were not used to having lowly subordinates challenge their thinking.

In contrast today, in most companies, my contributions would be considered thought-provoking and innovative. My contributions wouldn’t have changed, just the way they are perceived.

Therefore, maybe Gen Y isn’t arrogant or narcissistic. Maybe if we actually listen to them, we might learn something. We just need to help them understand that, in the business world, bosses don’t replace parents as continuators of constant praise and admiration. So they need to accept that in exchange for being able to offer up their ideas and opinions, they may have those ideas shot down (a lot!)

Yes, times certainly change, and we, the new “old timers” need to change with it!

Tammy:

I too struggle with the alleged differences between the generations. I have yet to see compelling referred research findings that support the notion. I have seen some research findings that lean to the contrary however.

I think that many of the conclusions that various authors or consultants reach is nothing more than life-stage differences that are fairly constant through the ages.

If anyone is aware of such research that confirms differences, it would be much appreciated.

robert edward cenek
Cenek Report
Uncommon Commentary on the World of Work
www.cenekreport.com

I like your articles Tammy, thanks! Enjoyed the one on diversity too. As a South African, we live in diversity in an extreme way.

The generation mix is but one level of diversity. My experience has been that the characteristics ascribed to a specific generation can also be applied to people not born within the time frame given to the named group.

I generally do not find Gen Ys (or people that fit the desription) narcissistic and do not personally believe that a question such as 'i am a special person' is indicative of that. I have found narcissism though in people in leadership positions that come from different generations.

In terms of positive affirmations: there has been research done by Dr Daniel Amen a neuro scientist and psychiatrist, as to the effect of positive affirmations on not only heart rate but also the mind's ability for complex and creative thought.

I agree with Tammy's Gen Y Ryan, that is has to be appropiate, relevant and done with attention.

Just out of interest, I would porabably be classified by age as a baby boomer.

Tammy, I enjoy your articles, thanks! Also the one on diversiy. As a South African we experience diversity with intensity on a daily basis.

I see the generational mix as just another form of diversity that we all deal with on a daily basis. I have to say however that I find that the charactersitics ascribed to Gen Y are present in other people too. Just as much as I have seen Gen Ys with different characteristic to what they are supposed to display.

With regards to narcissism, I do not agree with the 'I think I am a special person' as indicitave of narcissim and have seen executives that are not Gen Ys with narcissism.

The interesting thing for me about the appreciation Gen Ys apparently received is that there are research (Dr Daniel Amen - a psychiatrist and neuroscientist amongst others)that indicate that appreciation affects the heart rythm as well as the brain. With regards to thinking ability, it allows us easier access to complex and creative thinking.

I do agree with Tammy's Ryan that it needs to be appropriate and with attention. Maybe we can all benefit form it.

Out of interest I am age-wise supposed to be a Baby Boomer

Well I have heard the term "narcissism" thrown around all day in light of the Eliot Spitzer scandel and wanted to find out what a narcissist is as it has been 25 years since psych 101.

Interesting as it is a catch 22 of sorts.

On the one hand, you can love yourself and seek approval,praise, and admiration as a gen Y type.

Then be compelled to have that approval, praise admiration to the point of your own detriment, if clinical.

Where is the line and how do we define it?

Very interesting. I don't know much about the issue of narcissism vs. self-esteem, but I do know my own experience and those of colleagues for whom this issue has come up recently in dramatic ways. Perhaps its only true of the nonprofit sector (where I work), but I would be interested to hear feedback.

It seems that many of my colleagues are facing the "first job syndrome" with recent grads that manifests itself in the fact that these folks are much more focused on "feeling valued" than they are about finding their places in the mission and operations of the organization. Their expectations about their influence and importance are far out of line with reality. It is frustrating as a supervisor to have recent grads taking up supervision time with their "feelings" of disenfranchisement, nurturing resentment, instead of finding ways to contribute to the organization and build their careers at the same time.

Sorry to the Gen Y hires, but you won't be eating off of the "You are Special" plate here, but you will be given the chance to prove yourself valuable to the team through your work.

I'm biased, but I seriously don't think it's narcissism. That's way too simple an explanation, especially considering Y is the generation of myspaces, livejournals and 'emo kids' -- we tend to be pretty critical of ourselves.

I think the narcissism is a manifestation of Gen Y's constant looking toward their next job, their next step. As the whole working-one-job-until-retirement scenario is pretty much dead in the ground, we need that constant feedback from our managers to know that we're not just sitting around, twiddling our thumbs, wasting time.

We expect value from our career choices. Is that really so narcissistic?

I'm going to write more about this issue on my blog. It's interesting.

Matt
yworking.com

@ Robert Cenek

How can there not be differences between the generations? Each generation is shaped by their environments. I don't relate with many things my boomer coworkers go through. For example, I find that people my age and younger don't have as much of a problem with gay marriage as the older people do.

And of course there are differences between age groups and life stages. duh! everyone knows that. But get a clue that there are definitely generational differences as well. How old are you btw?

I am a manager and I find myself asking these questions all the time. Generation Y in my opinion is over confident, arogant and selfish. You give them one compliment and suddenly they can take on the world. Today a young kid comes in for an interview and the question was asked "where do you see yourself in five years?" He responded saying, "I would like to be the director of this place." I thought what makes a 20 year old kid think he can become a director of a large operating room from a respected hospital in five years when he can barely wipe his butt. Maybe he played some educational video game that gave him confidence or maybe he was given to many trophies for last place because for GOD Sake we want to make sure everybodies a WINNER!! This is what we are dealing with and by GOD I am not going to give in to these little !@@#@$%%$ by accomidating them and lowering our standards. Thanks for letting me vent and I enjoyed reading all your comments.

I am always surprised when professionals readily accept the academic tendency to label any behavior seen repeatedly as indicative of behavior for an entire segment of the population or in this case an entire generation. I'm sure I am not the only one who knows as many young people born inside "y" bookends who have healthy self-doubt, worry about offending others and their norms, and understand the relationship between effort and acheivement, as know individuals without such qualities. I wish more time could be devoted not to further defining the "Y" label and propensity to share it, but instead to strategic and tactical approaches to fundamental disconnects between societal values and business needs. For example: If today's retail business model is built around a 7-7 and 24/7 service expectation despite all the research showing that these schedules do physical and sociological harm to workers and families, is it really helpful or useful or even relevant to lump all employee resistance to such demands into a general behavioral trait? Or is it more meaningful to examine the business disconnect and attend to the development of strategic business models that benefit "people" rather than a behavioral label? The explosion of lower wage retail jobs with little opportunity for advancement would warrant much more attention on my plate than trying to contribute to the definition and tendencies of an age group.

Wonderful post Tammy.

I have interviewed over 100 Generation Y business leaders and entrepreneurs over the last 18 months, and I am a mother of three Generation Y young adults. I have found each Gen Y I have spoken with to be giving, civic minded and quite caring for their peers and our world. They are craving mentoring and guidance from adults, and many are hiring older, wiser mentors to meet that need.

As a parent, I am the first to admit that I raised my children on a healthy dose of self esteem and praise, as many Gen Yers have. My question is "Isn't this what we all want?" Simply because Gen Y has been vocal about what they need and want in career and life doesn't make them narcissistic. In my opinion, it makes them quite smart.

I believe that we need Gen Y's self esteem, creativity and technological savvy to guide us into the future. And, I believe that Gen Y's confidence may be just what we need to navigate the rocky roads we are traveling right now in our world.

Every previous generation thinks that the next one is narcissistic. There is this quote from socrates that says "The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they allow disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children now are tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” THAT WAS ABOUT 450BC!

It will never end. Our generation is not especially narcissistic. In the eyes of people everyone was at some stage

Dear Tammy,
I am a generation Y myself and admit, I am selfish at times, but I don't take it to the extreme. Us Generation Y's have our own minds. Most are independent, confident, and don't listen to what others think about about us because were too busy having the time of our lives. You might as well call us Y's the Crazed generation. I mean honestly, Were like generation X on crack. Aha, anyways I like reading your posts but disagree on alot of them. As I looked up your generation, oh Tammy sweetie, I soon learned that alot of your people in your generation are snobby, too secure, and overly giddy sometimes. It also said they often envy older generations for having the luxury that they had to grow up with today.

Your Crazily Bittersweet Y,
~Faith~

I agree, if gen y is considered narcissistic what's gen Z going to be like?

Is it so hard for "older" people to understand that we are smarter, faster, and more capable than any other generation? What took you 10 years to learn and master, I can have done in a week. Stop treating us like children and maybe we'll stop treating you like geriatrics. Just because your pissed at your own miserable life doesn't mean you have to take it out on us and try to hold us back, get out of the way and let us through.

I am 24, have my own company, have my own house, 4 cars, and money in the bank. I have hit so many road blocks (because of my age) on my road to success, that it makes my head spin. If you are soft, you will never survive. I have no retirement plan, social security is a joke, and the only real way to survive is to make it yourself. Don't listen to geriatrics who are trying to hold you back, they don't know what they are talking about. They are always trying to figure out whats wrong with us, instead of whats right with us.

Gen Y’s
A SocioPsychological Perspective

William Czander, Ph.D.
With Eliza Czander
(Please do not cite or quote)

The Baby Boomers grew up with TV which promotes homogeneity, the Gen Y’s grew up with the internet which drives diversity.

As a psychologist and psychoanalyst I have some difficulty developing a picture of any generation, including the Gen Y’s, as a modal personality. For example, how can we establish that there is a set of characteristics that are unique to such a large social grouping? To isolate characteristics raises the potential of stereotyping, a phenomena that has plagued social groupings for generations. For example, to refer to this generation under study, Gen Y, alludes to a succession from Gen X, a term that was originally coined as a pejorative label. On the other hand, attempting to understand a particular social group; in this case an age group can help us understand our reactions and prejudices associated with this group. If I approach a study of this group as I would a corporation, organization, family or a person it may increase our capacity to be more tolerant, and sensitive to their choices, decisions, conflicts, etc. Mind you, I do not wish to judge, but understand and hopefully in doing so I will be more compassionate and reflective of my interactions. We also need to know that much of what writers think they know about Gen Y’s students comes from anecdotes. According to Hoover (2007), the only longitudinal study of Gen Y’s was completed by the Cooperative Research Institute at UCLA. They took issue with the findings of Strauss and Howe, authors of Millennials Rising (Vintage Books, 2000). For example they found today’s students are spending more time studying than their predecessors and that students were becoming more preoccupied with finding lucrative careers--not less so.
Finally, it is also important to understand that throughout history young generations have been condemned by the older generation suggesting a powerful bias. Consider some of the comments made by some or our greatest philosophers: “I have no hope in the future of our country if today’s youth are going to be tomorrow’s leaders. They are unbearable, foolish, and even frightening.” The author of this sentence is Hesiod, a Greek philosopher, in 740 BC. A Babylonian tablet from 3,000 BC reads: “Today’s youth are deeply corrupt, evil, mean and unreliable. They will never be like the youth in the past, and will be unable to preserve our culture.” In 400 BC Socrates said: “Our youth love luxury, they are rude, despise authority, have no respect for the elderly, have become tyrants, talk back to their parents, they are impossible to deal with.” Finally, Aristotle says: “Youth have many desires, are volatile, readily lose interest. Youth desire with great enthusiasm but quickly get tired.” As we move into the 21st century we may take the wisdom of these philosophers with a grain a salt and maintain that the one thing we can be certain of about our younger generation is that when they grow old they will observe the younger generation with the same disdain. With this in mind I will explore this young generation with caution, kindness and understanding.

Gen Y’s and Other Generations

These generations are not defined by any formal process, but rather by demographers, the media, popular culture writers, market researchers, and by members of the generation themselves. Also, the birthdates applied to these generations vary greatly, especially the Gen Y’s and the Gen Jones. As a matter of fact, many writers completely leave out Gen Jones. Gen Jones is left out because most writers and demographers claim the Boomer population was born between 1943 and 1964, this would include the Gen Jones as part of the Boomer population. For our purpose we will establish the Baby Boomers born between 1943 and 1964, and the Gen X’s born between 1965 and 1979. In addition, we will expand the Gen Y’s to a period from 1980 to 1994. This gives us the best idea of how one generation impacts another. For example, putting together a book of readings called the Feminist Papers; Alice Rossi discovered that the feminist’s movement actually skipped a generation. One generation would accept the feminist banner and push for equality, while the generation that followed would be dormant. The next generation would embrace the feminist movement, and so on. We see this now with the Gen Y women and to some degree the Gen X’s who are benefiting from the gains of the feminist Baby Boomers. We certainly see the effects one generation has on another when we examine the impact the Baby Boomer parents have on their children, the Gen Y’s.

Who are Gen Y’s?

The term Generation Y first appeared in an August 1993 magazine Advertising Age editorial to describe those children born between 1980–1995 (Melbourne, 1999). The U.S. Department of Commerce places Gen Y from 1980 to 1989. For our purpose we will use the demographics most demographers and writers on the subject agree. By maintaining that Gen Y’s are 13 to 27 year olds allows us to put the Gen Y population at approximately 75 million which approximates the number of Baby Boomers.

Based on year 2007 Age % of US Population Actual Numbers (millions)
Gen Z 1995- ? 20% 60
Gen Y 1980-1994 25% 75
Gen X 1965-1979 8% 26
Baby Boomers 1943-1964 27% 80
Matures Before-1943 20% 60

A notable demographic shift should begin to occur in 2008 when the oldest Baby Boomers hit the U.S. legal retirement age of 65. As Boomers retire, more members of Generation X will be expected to take roles in middle and upper management and the large membership of Generation Y will take up positions in the lower half of the workforce. This process has begun and a spurred on a multimillion dollar consulting business where hoards of so-called experts are claiming that management must understand these young men and women or suffer problematic consequences. This volatile shift, the constant flow of numbers exiting and entering the workplace, will occur well into 2030, and experts believe it will have a profound, if not revolutionary, impact on the workplace. The biggest impact brought about by the Gen Y’s will be the blurring of the traditional boundaries between work, home and play as well as the boundaries between; family, friends and workplace colleagues.
Let’s look at some of the characteristics of the Gen Y’s, which may explain why management and others in positions of authority are expecting significant conflicts and change.
The internet generation
Consider these facts about GenY’s from a survey of 7,705 U.S. college students by Junco and Mastrodicasa (2007):
• 97% own a computer
• 94% own a cell phone
• 76% use Instant Messaging (IM).
• 15% of IM users are logged on 24 hours a day/7 days a week
• 34% use websites as their primary source of news
• 28% own a blog and 44% read blogs
• 49% download music using peer-to-peer file sharing
• 75% of college students have a Facebook or Myspace account
• 60% own some type of portable music and/or video device such as an ipod

While we consider some Baby Boomers and definitely Gen X’s a generation of multi-taskers, the Gen Y’s are a generation of “Continuous Partial Attention.” According to Stone (2006), who coined the phrase, there is a given need to stay on top of all the real and potential information and data that passes by. In this mindset, the Gen Y continuously scans the environment for opportunities. It explains the apparent lack of attention Boomers experience when interacting with Gen Y’s. Boomers complain “they are in another world”. This is not true- according to Stone (2006) - they have a method of cognitive functioning shaped by electronic communication. Consequently, they have developed their own unique style and method of gathering and disseminating information. I recently observed three Gen Y’s eating dinner together in a restaurant, all were are on their cell phones, talking to the people on their phones as well as to each other. This would drive some Boomers “nuts.”

From a psychological perspective, the Gen Y’s are motivated to be “part of…”, or perhaps motivated by the fear of not being “part of…..” For Gen Y’s not to be “part of…” is experienced as catastrophic. Therefore, continuously searching for information and data is a search for a “feel good” piece of data; data that will make them feel alive, important, loved, and above all successful.

This post multi-tasker or “always on” generation can study for exams with all of their electronic devices operating simultaneously: the TV, computer for IM'ing, their cell close by, and an ipod in an ear. At work, they can juggle e-mail on their Blackberries while talking on cell phones and working on a project. It does not matter where or when, they can wire-up. As a consequence, they prefer not to have an office or set hours. They are just as comfortable working on a park bench, coffee shop, the office or home. Mark Liston (2007) author of Valpaks’ blog entry (see great blog entry ) he gives an example of how a Gen Y sales rep would handle his work differently than his Gen X and Baby Boomer counterparts:
It is 10 a.m. in an office with three sales people - a boomer, a Gen X'er and a Gen Y. The Sales Manager tells each of them that they need to get new sales and the sales manager wants them to go out prospecting and come back with four appointments. The following occurs:
• The Gen Y is back by noon announcing they have their four appointments, a lunch appointment with a friend and will be back in the office right after lunch. (Their hero’s are “the nerds” and “geeks”, who created and dominate their cyber world).
• The Gen X'er starts to argue with the sales manager and asks why they must go out of the office to prospect. Why they can't just use the phone to set the appointments and save some gas? They then ask why new sales are so important and get into a philosophical debate on growing new customers versus having to get new customers. At the end of the argument everyone is frustrated. (Their hero’s are men and a few women who got their MBA’s from prestigious universities and became celebrity CEO’s)
• The Boomer grabs a cup of coffee and tells the rest of the people in the office how they used to be able to get 10 appointments a day. They go on ad nauseam about how they knocked on doors, got around the gatekeeper, made huge sales to the president of the company, etc. By lunch time they are still in the office pontificating. (Their hero’s are men who proudly display their athletic accomplishments, the successful ex- jocks).
A CEO (Baby Boomer), trying to motivate a Gen Y’er said “You come in late and go home early; do you know how many hours I put in each week?” The Gen Y’er said “No.” The CEO said “60 hours.” The Gen Y responded, “Why does it take you so long?”
Observe the TV show on 60 minutes devoted to Gen Y’s.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/11/08/60minutes/main3475200_page2.shtml
In a survey of business owners in Australia, Martin and Tulgan (2007), found Gen Y’s to be "demanding, impatient and bad at communicating." The survey found that almost 70% of those surveyed found their Generation Y workers to be problematic; with poor spelling and grammar and no understanding of appropriate corporate behaviors. However, the survey also suggested most employers praised the energy and charisma of their Generation Y workers.
According to Martin and Tulgan (2007) nearly half (49 %) of employers surveyed said the biggest gap in communication styles between Generation Y workers (employees 29 years old or younger) and older workers older, are Gen Y’s capacity to communicate more through technology rather than in person. Older workers prefer face-to-face communication, while Gen Y’s prefer on-line. According to MBA Alliance (2006) two thirds of all MBA’s are now earned on-line. It is suggested that two thirds of all graduate degrees (masters and doctorates) within the next 10 years will be earned on-line. Presently, colleges are scrambling to get in the business.
Martin and Tulgan (2007) surveyed job expectations, and found that 87 % of all hiring managers and HR professionals say some or most Gen Y workers feel more entitled in terms of compensation, benefits and career advancement than older generations.
The Society for HR Managers (2007) claimed the following:
• 74 percent of employers say Gen Y workers expect to be paid more
• 61 percent say Gen Y workers expect to have flexible work schedules
• 56 percent say Gen Y workers expect to be promoted within a year
• 50 percent say Gen Y workers expect to have more vacation or personal time
• 37 percent say Gen Y workers expect to have access to state-of-the-art technology
Over half (55 percent) of employers maintain Gen Y workers have a more difficult time taking direction or responding to authority than other generations of workers.
Fifteen percent of employers said they changed or implemented new policies or programs to accommodate Gen Y workers, Haefner (2007). Examples include:
• More flexible work schedules (57 percent);
• More recognition programs (33 percent);
• More access to state-of-the-art technology (26 percent);
• Increased salaries and bonuses (26 percent);
• More ongoing education programs (24 percent);
• Paying for cell phones, blackberries, etc. (20 percent);
• More telecommuting options (18 percent);
• More vacation time (11 percent).
More than 60% of employers say they are experiencing tension between employees from different generations, according to a survey by Lee Hecht Harrison (2007). Conflicts will typically arise over intergenerational expectations. Gen Y entitlement and their wish to be treated fairly and equitably will clearly go against the grain of the traditional corporation that values obedience and hierarchical respect. If you couple the attitudes of the Gen Y’s with their appearance: (tattoos, body piercing, casual dress, in some cases torn jeans and flip-flops) then tensions will be most apparent. Corporations are already beginning to gear up and adapt to the Gen Y’s and they are well aware that if they are unable to recruit and attract Gen Y’s they will face significant problems.
At Abbott Laboratories in Chicago, recruiters are offering benefits such as flexible work schedules, telecommuting, full tuition reimbursement and an online mentoring tool.
Aflac, an insurer based in Columbus, Ga., is highlighting such perks as time off given as awards, flexible work schedules and recognition.
Sun Microsystems telecommuting program, for example, has kicked into high gear in response to Generation Y's demands. Today more than half of Sun's employees work remotely.
Xerox is using the slogan "Express Yourself", a phrase popular in the 1970’s, as a way to describe its culture to recruits. The hope is that the slogan will appeal to Gen Y's desire to be themselves, and develop solutions and work toward change. Recruiters also point out the importance of diversity at the company; Gen Y is one of the most diverse demographic groups — one out of three is a minority. In this sense it appears that Xerox may be responding to what would have happened if the Hippy-Baby Boomers had not rejected the corporate world but instead decided to enter at the same age as the Gen Y’s. Xerox may be aware that generation Y’s are primarily children of the Baby Boomers. Xerox may be aware of the Gen Y’s tendency to share social views and culture with their Boomer parents and the Gen X’ers, their 'older cousins' or even older siblings.
In an interesting way Maccoby (2002) describes a shift in what he calls “Organizational Social Character.” He summarizes changes in socio-economic base, the social character, and the ideals, ideology, or social self rooted in the bureaucratic and interactive social characters. In the Gen Y we see the full evolution of the interactive character. We also see the intergenerational shift described by Maccoby (2002), a shift brought about by Boomer parenting.

.

Maccoby (2002) explains the relationship between the Baby Boomers and their children, but more importantly the reason the Boomers maintain such a high degree of involvement in their children’s life. The Boomers do not want their Gen Y children to become the bureaucratic characters that they have become and the children do not want this either.

The Parents
To fully understand the Gen Y’s we must understand the relationships they have with their Boomer parents. They have been called “helicopter parents”. They hover above their children watching, coaching, mentoring, giving advice, demanding, threatening, and making certain they are achieving. These parents have the technological capacity to keep track of their children 24/7. Reports, assignments, tests and school progress are posted daily on the school web site beginning in Middle School. Any aberrations are quickly confronted with a teacher-parent-guidance conference. No more end of the semester report cards.
When the Boomer generation went off to college they spoke very little to their parents. Typically, the only mode of communication was a letter or the pay phone on the wall in the hall. Today’s Gen Y’s have cell phones (74% own a cell phone) and computers (94% own a computer).The Gen Y’s are in constant contact with Mom and Dad via electronic devices. A colleague reports that his son had started college about 300 miles from their home. Both parents speak to their son every day, and the communication continues through email. They know how well he sleeps, what he eats, when tests are given, etc. They know his dates, his friends, and his study partners. And, he loves the connection. In the 60 Minutes vignette of Gen Y’s, a description is given of a student complaining to his professor about a low grade and then hands him his cell phone to talk to his mother. This is an accurate portrayal of this new form of parenting; some psychologists call it pathological involvement. Just as his mother would go to his grade school to argue in favor of her son and try to convince his teachers that he was much better then the given grades, the process continues through high school, the university and even the Gen Y’s workplace.
Merrill Lynch holds “parents’ day” for interns' families to tour the trading floor. KMPG invites parents to the Gen Y’s first day of work. This is a rapidly growing phenomenon. The Collegiate Employee Research Institute (CERI) at Michigan State University claims that 23% of corporations in the U.S report interacting with parents of Gen Y’s. It seems the larger the company the greater the numbers of interactions with parents. In corporations with over 3,799 employees, the numbers reporting interaction with parents increases to 32%. In addition, this number increases when the Gen Y’s are recruited internationally. HR managers are well aware of these dependency relationships and are eager to sell their company to the Gen Y parents. If the parents are impressed, it will improve recruitment and retention.
Where does this dependency begin? It is easy to understand the necessary dependency in the early ages (4 to 7 years) as children leave the nest for school, but now we see it continuing through high school, college and at work. In addition, we do not see the necessary autonomous development as the child gets older. Consider what a Baby Boomer parent recalled when contrasting his experience as a child with those of his children. He said, “We went to the park or vacant lot and we played by ourselves, no adults. If it was baseball we choose sides and played a game. We argued and we settled the conflicts.” He went on to say, “I never see kids playing without adult supervision, the pickup game is dead, everything is organized and structured by parents, and if the parents are not around, then its some hired professional.” The Gen Y’s have considerable difficulty functioning autonomously, and the reason why is simple, they were never given the chance to succeed or fail on their own.
Years ago I was in a pediatrician office. Two mothers were watching their children on the floor building towers out of block. When one child placed the blocks in a precarious position the mother quickly leaped to rescue and adjusted the tower to keep it from falling. The other mother, witnessing the precarious tower, let it fall, and said “try again.” The child began to build the tower again. The child whose tower was rescued lost interest and went on to play something else. Which child has the better chance of functioning autonomously in the adult world?
Many psychologists, counselors, and advisors worry that this over indulgence and ubiquitous safety net has stifled normal social development and the necessary steps required to move successfully into the adult world. These parents have promoted dependency, and they maintain it is necessary.
The parents appear to be a race, and their children are in it. The finish line is success and happiness, and it also includes keeping up with the “Jones’s” and perhaps beating them. They wish to proudly display achievements that become fused with parental/child achievements, this is evidenced when they place their “my child is on the honor roll at …school” bumper sticker on their car. The competition begins in K-1, goes through college acceptance day and later onto their child’s career. The young man, who handed his cell phone to his professor so his mother could fight for him, was most likely the same student whose mother arrived at his middle school 30 minutes after he received a grade of “C”.
These parents are not only excessively involved in their children’s grades, choice of teacher, selection into honors classes, but also their social life, and athletic activities. It would be hard to find a coach who has not been accosted by an irate parent over their child’s treatment; lack of playing time, poor use of their child, general coaching competence, etc.
Of particular notice, is the degree to which these parents plan and prepare their children to be successful, whether its sports, education, playing an instrument, writing, acting, horse riding, language, etc. GenY’s are prepared to excel, they are prepared by tutors, coaches, summer camps, after school programs and other experts. Given the financial investment it is understandable when we witness outraged parents reacting when their investment fails to produce the expected results.
The Gen Y’s are insulated from anything resembling failure. If they do fail, it is not their fault, it’s the fault of the tutor, coach, camp, teacher, etc. and especially those who offered the assessment. In many cases parents offer warnings to teachers that they have made a significant investment in preparing their child for success and they will not tolerate failure.
We now see the function of over scheduling and controlling the Gen Y’s life. It’s to avoid the possibility of failure. Gen Y’s never use the term failure. If a Gen Y is fired from a job they are told by their fellow Gen Y’s and parents, “It’s not for you.” The word failure is omitted from the Gen Y’s vocabulary. One middle school counselor reported a parent pleading for a higher grade, that they should understand, math is not their child’s “thing.”
The Gen Y’s parents are the equivalent of the so called “stage mom” who coach and manage their child’s career and road to success. Every parent wants to feel a sense of pride in their children, however, for these parents, pride and success becomes an obsession. These parents, according to Rosenfeld and Wise (2000), are “in constant fear that their children will under perform in any area -- academic, social or athletic".
At school and work Gen Y’s present an array of issues to those who occupy traditionally superior or authority positions. The first difficulty is the Gen Y’s wish to be treated as an equal. In their child-centered family they were not only treated as equals, they were often catered to, their indiscretions over looked and punishment avoided under the assumption in would be psychologically damaging, or worse, it would precipitate rageful outbursts and parental abuse. The Gen Y’s have an attitude of entitlement. In grade school they were told they were entitled to their opinions and their opinions were valued. Teachers and parents believe that if they fail to value opinions it would hurt their self esteem. I remember discussing autos with a daughter when she was 10 years old, and she commented that she liked Toyota’s best, they were a good American Company. Seeking to correct her I told her Toyota was a Japanese company. She said I was wrong. When I insisted that I was correct. She responded, “I’m entitled to my opinion.” I responded “But… But… But… it’s a fact.” End of discussion. With her arms crossed, she looked straight ahead. She went on to graduate from the Gallatin School at NYU, a school made for Gen Y’s. Students refer to their teachers by first name, they study what they want, and every student’s opinion is considered.
Consider the display of trophies being awarded to the young children in the 60 Minutes tape. Gen Y’s grew up expecting a trophy for every sport they played. Not for winning but for merely showing up or showing spirit, team work and an array of categories. In the workplace they expect the same. Praise and rewards for showing up. Gen Y’s grew up in a world where praise and positive reinforcement were constant. Any form of criticism was met with anger, not only from the child, but from the parents. Children were told they were special, not just by Mr. Rogers, but by their parents, teachers, coaches, relatives and mass media.
A critical question is the motivation among Baby Boomers to produce this type of generation. The answer can be found by assessing the Baby Boomers development. First, they were part of the first “child centered “culture. An explosion of births after WW 2, followed by the so-called “white flight” to the suburbs where children and later adolescents bonded together and collectively rejected parental values, authority, segregation, war, corporate and conventional life style. The Hippie generation accepted diversity, open sex, communalism, drugs, and music and went “back to the earth.” Most Baby Boomers enjoyed their freedom in the late 60’s through the 70’s and then discovered an important fact of life, the need for a career and money. In their attempts to prolong adolescence they failed to plan for work, a career, children and middle age. Many then took jobs and quickly discovered they were not happy. A colleague along with his hippie wife was in their thirties when they had their first child. Discovering he needed a career, he decided to go to graduate school and study literature. They soon had another baby. He dropped out of graduate school and took a job in a bank. The Baby Boomer, ex-hippy was now taking the 7:45 AM train into the city five days a week. He had become Whyte’s “Organizational Man”, “the man in the grey flannel suit” a corporate automaton he had maintained he would never become. To buy a home his wife took a job, they hired a nanny and saved money. They both worked long hard hours, and returned home every night exhausted. They fed their children, ate, drank and went to sleep… and did the same thing the next day. The ex-hippy said “We are going to make certain that our kids do not ‘piss away’ their childhood, teenage, and young adult years like we did. We want them to have a plan, to be happy. I’ll be dammed if I let my kinds to turn out like us.”
As mentioned above, the GenY’s worry more about money than any previous generation. But as adults/parents, the Baby Boomers join their Gen Y’s in money worries. During their life time they have seen the price of family homes grow from a median price of $45,000 to $250,000 -$500,000, depending upon geographical location. They see college tuition increase every year with the competition for scholarships intensifying. In the U.S. 43% of families spend more than they earn, the average households carry $8,000 in credit card debt, and 2004 the average family debt of Baby Boomers was close to $80,000. In England the number declaring themselves insolvent has risen 95% in a decade, and the average personal debt is 30,000 Pounds. In Canada its $70,000.
Another reason for money worries is that before they enter the workplace, the Gen Y’s are overwhelmingly in debt. They face higher costs for higher education than any previous generation. Whereas I, a Baby Boomer paid $27 per semester at CCNY, I just finished paying $120,000 for my daughters NYU degree.
The average student loan debt varies from $22,000 to $29,000. Three out of four Gen Y’s obtained their own credit cards while in college, often pushed by overzealous loan companies. As a consequence, Gen Y’s leave college with between $3,000 and $4,500 in credit card debt. It is not surprising that thirty cents of every dollar earned will go to service their debt. In addition, one in nine high school students have credit cards co-signed by a parent.
Being in such debt at an early age contributes to considerable financial knowledge. They work hard to get out of debt and worry about their credit scores. This may explain why so many; 50 to 60% move home after graduation from college, why they cram into urban apartments, and why they depend upon parents for financial help. This also may explain why CEO’s and managers maintain that all the Gen Y’s care about is money. They are not unlike the general population with their concern for money, the 2007 job satisfaction results of the Society for Human Resource Management states that compensation/pay is the number one factor in selecting a job, following are benefits, job security, flexibility to balance work/life, and the ability to communicate effectively with management. It may be that the Gen Y’s are more vociferous in their desire for more pay. They are so electronically connected that it's not unusual for them to know the salary and perks that companies in a given field are offering. According to Ketter (2006), eighty-one percent of 18- to 25-year-olds surveyed, by the Pew Research Center for People and the Press, said getting rich is their generation’s most important or second-most-important life goal. 51% said the same about being famous. They also plan for their retirement and believe retirement is an important factor in their choice of employer.
When it comes to money the Gen Y’s are a pragmatic group. They have learned from their Boomer parents that wasting time and not planning can lead to financial failure. They are told, “If you fail to plan you will never get that home, or that second vacation home, or the boat, etc.” They must be pragmatic, they know the stark realities of owning a home, car, taking vacations, obtaining degrees, being unemployed and living on their own, and raising a family.
Despite their considerable financial knowledge and efforts to survive financially, after Gen X’s, they have the second highest bankruptcy rate of any generation. It is expected that the bankruptcy rate will dramatically increase as the Gen Y population ages.
The Gen Y’s know about their parent’s financial situations. They see the debt and the psychological issues it brings and they bond with them about money anxieties.
Are their anxieties real? In the U.S. 43% of households spend more that they earn. In 2001, more than 1 million homeowners had three or more mortgages on their property, and over 1.8 million owners had outstanding loans that equaled 100% or more the value of their homes. With the recent housing market crash these numbers will increase significantly. The housing debt is outstanding.
American Housing Survey 2001
National Northeast Midwest South West
Median years left on mortgage 29 29 28 29 29
Median outstanding principal $69,227 $70,516 $58,966 $59,848 $102,264
Median total loan as % of value 56.40% 50.30% 55.60% 59.80% 57.40%
Median cash received in primary mortgage refinance $24,513 $27,839 $19,362 $21,219 $28,431
Number of homeowners with 3+ mortgages 1,008,000 220,000 265,000 301,000 222,000

Source: American Housing Survey (2001)
The average U.S. household with a mortgage, two college graduates who borrowed money for school and more than one credit card, owes about $150,000, and that figure is only expected to rise.
In the U.S., it is predicted that 97% of all Baby Boomers cannot afford to retire at 65.
Does this financial picture precipitate stress? For the Baby Boomer, stress and anxiety takes the form of dread. This fear of losing a foothold and loosing everything is displaced onto their children who are pressured into structured plans by their parents to make them successful. If their Gen Y offspring are accomplished and competent; have a plan for career success, and are well coached, they can grow up avoiding the situation in which the Baby Boomers now find themselves.
However, these fears, while real in many cases, function as a defense against the anxiety of moving into the adult world; a world painted by their parents as dangerous, because it contains failure. Again, the concept of autonomy is relevant to our understanding of the relationship between Gen Y and their parents. If the Baby Boomer parents withdraw closeness of supervision and the visibility of their authority it would allow for autonomous functioning. However, from a developmental perspective, one can only function autonomously if one has been able to separate and function without the need for attachment. For the Gen Y, attachment is necessary because if he/she separates or differentiates, the anxiety and fear will be overwhelming. It is as if the Gen Y is taught to say to themselves, “If I do this on my own I will be in danger. If I fail I will be blamed. If I stay attached and avoid separation, then I can be protected: I will be safe in the holding arms of mother.” They are safe from uncertainties, the risks of unhappiness, misery and failure, all for which they unfortunately have not been prepared.
The Gen Y denies the reality of his/her separateness and the responsibility of fashioning their life. Consequently, they rely on a wide variety of regressive and neurotic psychic structures that provide illusions and fantasies that enable them to avoid the actuality that he/she is separate, and support the pretense that he/she resides in the earliest state of blissful security. This illusion is a type of rapproachmont. They feel the freedom to experiment, try new things-thus to take risks. Many of them have the financial security and oftentimes a blessing to go off on their own and “figure it out.” They develop this illusion of being on their own. Also, because their parents can keep tabs on them they feel much more comfortable letting them go. So the Gen Y’s go backpacking overseas, take a semester off in Spain in the 10th grade, teach in Africa, sail the Atlantic, engage in research in Japan or drive across the U.S. alone, as one of my Gen Y’s children will do. Like the 3 year old who runs away and then turns to see if mom is chasing, the Gen Y is never fully detached.

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