I remember the day he said it for the first time. He had driven back to his apartment in Greenwich Village, after having spent the weekend with us at the farm. When he called to let us know he’d arrived safely, our son said those fateful words that notched my heart as a parent: I’m home. In that moment, a cool jolt whooshed through some mysterious new space.

Despite this independence, it’s clear he also continues to view the farm as “his” home. He returns whenever he needs a break from life in the city. He fills the old house with friends, who take over the kitchen and the grill -- who make themselves at home. I have little doubt that he would feel welcome to return if times got tough.

So where is home for young adults today? Is the phenomenon of boomerang kids a worrisome trend? According to the 2000 census, 4 million Americans between the ages of 25 and 34 live with their folks. To the astonishment of Boomers, more than 60% of all college seniors say they expect to move back home after graduation.

It’s easy for Boomers to judge this trend as evidence of a lack of ambition or competency on the part of their kids; but I disagree. I believe it is more properly viewed as a reflection of the close relationships Y’s have with their families and a changing cultural norm.

I was speaking with a group of business executives a few weeks ago, when one began to complain (good humouredly) about his adult child’s return to the nest.

I’m curious, I said. When your children were teenagers, did you refer to the house as “our home?”

Of course.

And so, how did you communicate to them that “our home” would revert to being “your house” on their 18th birthdays?

Well, I certainly knew that when I was their age. I couldn’t wait to get away.

My point exactly. It’s impossible to compare the behavior of Boomer parents with today’s Gen Y young adults. As I’ve mentioned before, when Boomers were teens, 40% said they would be better off with no parents! You couldn’t wait to leave.

But most Gen Y’s have strong, positive relationships with their Boomer parents. They genuinely like you. They highly value family ties and expect to retain close parental bonds even after leaving home. Roughly eight in ten children who live away from home say they’ve talked to their parents in the past day. Nearly three in four see their parents at least once a week, and half say they see their parents daily. They speak with Mom or Dad when they have a problem, and most feel that their parents understand them.

And, the nature of the family abode is changing. One of the hottest trends in housing is the development of multigenerational complexes, designed for Boomers and their X or Y children’s budding families. The dispersion of the last several decades is reversing.

Even short of that, the idea that “our home” is always “ours” is becoming the norm.

Of course, an adult child lounging in their pajamas until noon is not a pretty picture. But the idea that “home” remains a place of safety and security, a safety net that allows young adults to take risks, is in my mind a good thing.

Don’t judge their behavior by yours. And remember, they aren’t mind readers. If you really want to tell them that their membership in the home ends at 18, I think you need to make that clear.

Personally, I am happy to extend the membership card indefinitely.

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