Harvard Business Publishing

So how do you show "irritation on the action, not the person"? Feels like a hard target to hit. Miss by a little bit and it looks like you are showing that irritation on the person, which I agree usually creates more problems than showing no irritation.

I also believe in "publicly sharing success". When the team hits the deadline and the client raves, I try to make sure my superiors know contributions by specific team members that created the success.

I would like to add another trait, a well known culture of winning: A gorgious leader gets what he/she wants with approval from the majority. Our democracy is plural by nature that allows invidual liberty. A culture of winning is based on recognised global values, through, humility, compassion, courage and harmony.

Your thoughts on toughness -- meaning character and resilience – are thought provoking.
I work in medical education. A key component of my job is to develop and market vehicles (mostly conferences and other training sessions, but also consensus statements about trainee competencies, resources for teaching, regular courses for medical students, and other things) about the special knowledge, skills and attitudes needed to care for older adults. In higher education, and much of the nonprofit sector, our work is characterized more by consensus than by confrontation, or even “standing tough.” My comments on your outline of the traits of a tough leader are informed by my nonprofit perspective.
I understand the importance of diffusing tension, even in the context of urgency. Sometime I think that I do that too readily: it might be better some of the time if I were to let tension build and see how others handle it, or let others propose resolutions. I agree that the tension that comes from interpersonal conflicts is generally not positive – or at least it has not been so in my professional life. I am currently struggling with a valued employee who has very high standards in many regards, but is so unable to accept criticism that she falls apart under tension seem unable to learn/improve, or even to comprehend the challenges others face. I wish I could find a way to diffuse that tension!
I also understand the value of letting others see that I can make mistakes, and even get kicked about a bit. If we aren’t life long learners, and don’t model that for the folks on our teams, we and our teams cannot adapt -- and the world will change without us. I like getting up off the floor, but not too often. And I always want to process what got me on the floor, and how I got up, with my team, so we can all (me included) learn from it.
I wish I were better at letting off steam. I am too likely to fix the mistakes that folks on my team make, instead of letting them know the seriousness of the error, so that they can learn. I am getting better at this, though. One of my mentees keeps asking me to be more frank with her so that she can learn to be a leader herself, so I am pushing myself out of a sense of loyalty to her.
As a child of the sixties and the communitarian values of those times, humility is deeply in my style. I rarely present myself as having done anything alone. But there is a dilemma in humility for me. I display humility (and a commitment to learning from my experiences), but sometimes I think I am proud (not humble) about having this humility. (Does that make sense?) I do own up to my failures and accept consequences, primarily because I want to keep growing and want to model that for those who work with me. I agree that it facilitates moving forward and gives me “backbone.” As a leader, I find it also enables others to see that I do not hold myself above them but want to be part of the team.

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. Let me attempt to offer some clarity.

When showing displeasure over performance, focus on the behaviors and the results, not the individuals. You owe it to your people to be frank as well as clear that you separate performance from personality.

Humility is not the same as being a push-over. As a leader, you owe it to your people and your team to hold people accountable.

Thank you for mentioning humility. This IS one trait of a leader that gets forgotten. So many people in positions of authority believe that they got to where they are because they are flawless. This gives rise to the prideful manager that believes he/she is responsible for all of the team's successes, but takes no blame for any failures or mistakes. These people are not leaders.
(Look behind them: Is anyone following?)

A true leader recognizes the inherent humanity of every one of us, himself included. Mistakes are a part of that humanity, and when most people see someone own up to a mistake and accept accountability for the consequences, they want to follow that person.

To be a leader, you must be a person that others want to follow.

Another aspect of toughness which should be mentioned is that a leader knows when to lead. Often times as a leader, acknowledging the appropriate moment to step back end let others take the lead can be an extremely tough task. This trait involves the use of judgment, humility, and trust.

I just began working at an organization which is structured in teams and workgroups. One of the senior members of the team which I am part of is a perfect example of this trait. For purposes of the discussion I will refer this individual as Sarah. I recently learned that Sarah used to be the team leader, but she chose to relinquish her title for the betterment of the team. Although many of the team members enjoyed Sarah’s leadership style, she realized that she could make sounder contributions to the team objectives by focusing her efforts on other areas. From what I have been told she performed excellent as the team leader; in fact, the team thrived under her leadership. However, Sarah realized that another person on the team could fill the role of team leader and also do an excellent job. Sarah’s decision to step down has proven to be the correct decision for both her and the team. In Sarah’s current role she is able to take more time to mentor other team members and undertake projects which bring her a sense of fulfillment.

I am certain that many people within the organization viewed Sarah’s decision to step down in a negative light. Some might even think that she made a mistake that equated to a demotion. The team members I work with have nothing but respect and admiration for her. Even though Sarah no longer holds the title of team leader she is still a leader on the team.

I really enjoyed reading your blog on leadership. And I do think that to be a leader you should be “tough”, which can come in many different forms. One aspect of toughness that you did not mention is patience. This is key to being a ‘tough’ leader. For a leader, sometimes it is easy to have that quick action or reaction, but it is tough to stand back and let things play out; watch others learn and help them along the way.

In a previous position I was a volunteer basketball coach at a local community center. I coached a group of teenage boys from the inner city, who are “at risk”. Along with some of the traits that you described, I found that patience was by far one of my most needed tools. I had to allow for mistakes, I had to allow for things to be slower than I wanted, I had to allow for bumps along the road; as you stated, “such is life”. It would have been easy to get angry, to give up and to quit. But I remember patience; especially when working with a group of inexperienced people who need more guidance than others (as sometimes is the case with youth). I remembered that things take time and mistakes will happen, but I had to be patient with my results.

At the same time, a tough leader needs to know when enough is enough. After allowing for mistakes, you have to be ready to know when you have been patient enough with an individual, a group or a strategy and know when it’s time to move on to a different tactic.

Patience is never easy but it is necessary for a good “tough” leader.

It was really helpful for me to read your blog. At times we do not realize that being a leader means to be flexible and take ownership of one’s mistake. However, there is something you did not mention, to be humble. Being humble or staying grounded is a very important component of a leader, also staying loyal to your self as well as others.

Another vital trait of a leader is self discipline. John C. Maxwell, author of “Leadership 101 said, “no matter how gifted a leader is, his gift will never reach their maximum potential without the application of self-discipline”. I believe that self discipline can help people overcome challenging experiences and provide them with the necessary tools to successfully achieve their goals.

You said that “…toughness does not matter because you need a leader who has the wherewithal to stand up for what she believes in, as well as to stand up for others”.
However, what would you do if you stand up for what you believe and by doing that you create disappointment and adversity among others? Also what would you do if you stand up for your team, yet they do not support you or do not care whether you stand up for them or not?

It was really helpful for me to read your blog. At times we do not realize that being a leader means to be flexible and take ownership of one’s mistake. However, there is something you did not mention, to be humble. Being humble or staying grounded is a very important component of a leader, also staying loyal to your self as well as others.

Another vital trait of a leader is self discipline. John C. Maxwell, author of “Leadership 101 said, “no matter how gifted a leader is, his gift will never reach their maximum potential without the application of self-discipline”. I believe that self discipline can help people overcome challenging experiences and provide them with the necessary tools to successfully achieve their goals.

You said that “…toughness does not matter because you need a leader who has the wherewithal to stand up for what she believes in, as well as to stand up for others”.
However, what would you do if you stand up for what you believe and by doing that you create disappointment and adversity among others? Also what would you do if you stand up for your team, yet they do not support you or do not care whether you stand up for them or not?

Enjoyed and agreed with the article written. The blog posts are also interesting and informative. Thank you everyone.

There is one trait that I think is missed much of the time. Being an ethical person. Some call it morality, some call it conscience; I call it personal integrity. Whatever you call it, this is a core trait of ANY tough leader.

You can't expect people to follow someone who isn't willing to walk what he/she talks. This goes beyond the workplace. This means that you take responsibility for your actions and words, both inside and outside the office.

I wanted to respond to a point made by Ms. Puello. She poses two very interesting questions about toughness matters in a leader who stands up for what they believe in.

With the first question: stepping on others toes when you stand up for what you believe in can and does happen constantly. That is one agent that creates change, which is something that a leader can do. For instance, when migrant farm workers were (and continue to be)taken advantage of, there were many leaders (such as Cesar Chavez) who stood up for what he/she believed in and that was to put an end to the abuse. This created adversity with those he was opposing, but that was not necesarilly a bad thing. Sometimes it is a must that someone steps up for what they believe in and poses a challenge. That is one quality that a leader can have.

To respond to your other point that they would isolate their team, or not have the support of their team, then to me that says they were not a good leader. A good leader has a feel for what his team does. A good leader listens to his team and the team listens to him. By being a good leader, theoretically, you would eliminate isolating your team in the way that you describe.

These are just my opinions and I was very intrigued by your questions that you posed. They make for good conversation.

On your other point of being humble, I think that humbleness and humility can go hand in hand. However, it would depend on your definition of each. If the way John described humility is very different than the way you see being humble, then yes I agree that a good leader must also be humble but not to the point that it undermines his authoritativeness.

>>>>>>So how do you show "irritation on the action, not the person"?

Quite simple.You do not chastise the person by getting personal and commenting on his personality etc. but focus rather on the damage the move has made to the strategy execution.

Your article featuring the traits of a tough leader were on point in my opinion. Of course there are many other characteristics that help develop the resilience, tenacity, and insight it takes to lead with a tough internal force.

An additional attribute I would add is transparency, which is vital because if a leader's motives are questionable or ambiguous, it can make it difficult to understand (not necessarily agree with) where the motivation, drive or objectivity of the leader comes from. Another key is consistency. As a leader it is difficult to explain why a decision was made one way in a particular circumstance, yet a vastly different decision was made in a very similar situation. I understand variables are generally unique to each situation; however, with consistency there is an ability for employees to to anticipate to a degree how their leader will respond to a dilemma. Finally, toughness derives from a sincere desire to make decisions that are in the best interests of the organization and its employees.

Thank you Mr. Lopez for answering my questions. I definitely agree with you that adversity is not necessarily a bad thing, especially when someone stand up for that they believe. In fact as you said, many leaders have created adversity while pursuing their dreams and goals (ex. Dr. Martin Luther King).

When I used the word humble I was referring to: a leader who stays modest and grounded regardless of his success. A leader who is not arrogant or thinks he is better than everyone else.

Once more thanks for answering my questions and providing a great discussion.

Moreover, I will like to share some thoughts from a book I read from New York Times best-selling author John C. Maxwell. He said that is very important to learn how to do the following:

• Follow your vision and bring others with you
• Produce a lasting legacy
• Grow the loyalty of your followers
• Invest in the quality of your leadership
• Influence and empower others
• Create a foundation of trust

The very first comment by Mark hit a key sore point in the workplace and was followed up by many commenters. Did anybody see the PBS/National Geographic special "Killer Stress" last week? This documentary helps us understand the damaging effect stress has on a person. For leaders this means:

If a supervisor/leader/manager has a valued employee, focus on the action, build up the person. I'm a college teacher, misread the schedule last year and missed my first day of class. Everything turned out OK and I had a very successful class. Classes started this term and when talking about it with some staff they asked if all the students showed up. I said no, but at least I did. Then I said I still kick myself about missing that class. She said, I'm still here so I must have been forgiven.

If the employee is not valued, don't harass them to the point the leader and they degrade the morale of the work environment, waste payroll money, possible create other damaging impacts, and eventually quit resentful. Leaders, do the gutsy thing. Terminate people who aren't working out early.

Jim

This article was very insightful and offered some insight on what management refers to as "toughness". Working in education reform "toughness" is the key to survival. In this line of work, one has to have thick skin to withstand the constant resistance and opponents to change. Of course with change, comes resistance, and in order to survive a leader must be tough. The question that I pose is just how tough does a woman have to be? As a woman in a very male dominated field toughness can also be seen as being too aggresive for a lack of better words. Yet, in order for women to thrive we must be tough, yet society believes that there is a fine line for women. My role model Michelle Obama believes in "toughness", but the media consistently has stereotyped her as an angry black woman.

On the other hand, toughness can also be a weakness when one doesn't understand what you described as humility. As female leaders move up the ladder and assume roles, you often see arrogance and harshness. This type of toughness makes more enemies than friends. We see women move up the ladder and in order to gain the respect of their counterparts they come off mean, harsh and unrelatable, all in an attempt to make it without being looked at as weak.

In essence, as female leaders we must learn how to have a balance. It is important to be tough, but with integrity and character. As women, we must learn to play the game with society. since we are constantly placed in a box and expected to play hard, but not as hard as men. When the idea of "toughness" becomes equal across gender lines women will have a better chance of being called a superb leader, resiliant, and a stand-up type of gal, instead of the other names we are often ascribed too.

Isha James is right to point out that it is true that women are frequently judged differently from men when they are “tough.” Things have changed a bit, but aggressiveness is still more likely to be respected in men than it is in women. Aggression is often seen as unwarranted, shrill, or arrogant in women. And James is right that Michelle Obama’s “toughness” gets her cast as an “angry black woman.”
So how do women leaders and managers strike the balance? (Not to mention, should we have to?) And how do we keep ourselves from holding other women, and ourselves, to a different standard? How do women moving up know where their colleagues draw the line between appropriate leadership and excessive harshness? And what about those women who do not see themselves as qualified for higher positions, and so hold back from self-promotion? How to we prevent ourselves from being “too nice?” What is the effect of caring about being seen as nice, when we should be minding the store and taking a hard line?

Agreed: it is important (to combine integrity and character with toughness. I would not want to play less hard than men do, but in the real world I think women have to be prepared for the consequences, and think in advance about how we will handle them: Confrontation? Accommodation? Hostility? Ignoring it? Working even harder? All of the above? There are no easy answers, but women who disregard the barriers we encounter, do so at their peril.

One more thought on the topic of women and toughness:
The dilemmas that women face in terms of how our toughness in the workplace can be more harshly judged than similar behavior by our male counterparts apply equally (although differently) when men of color are tough.

Re: Karen and Isha's post I think it would be interesting to get more discussion into where the lines need to be drawn when taking the role of the "tough" leader. Things like when to stop riding your employees for mistakes, when to diffuse the tension and when to let it stand, and when to be humble. I feel like if you do these things too often and too early you will go from being a firm (tough) leader, to a coddling personality that makes people uncomfortable to be around. If done too infrequently you can be viewed as a “tough… as nails” leader. So I feel limits of toughness needs addressing.

I believe that its a the combination of these attributes that make the most effective leader. Three characteristics were highlighted but a fourth, HUMILITY, helped to finish up the article. Principled toughness is essential in quality leadership but without humility, the aforementioned characteristics may appear negative, arrogant, and abrasive. A good leader is able to balance her/his leadership skills with a true sense of humility, learning and teaching from mistakes is what life and leadership is all about.

John-

I really could relate to your blog. I feel a leader should be tough in ways that inspires trust and confidence. This can be achieved in many ways. The best example I know is "leading by example", but not in a passive aggressive way nor with an iron fist.

As a leader you must convey a clear message. The traits you described reminded me of the confidence a leader needs in "handling tension, having no shame,focusing your irritation on the action and the willingness to accept consequences".

Overall, you described essential skills needed in rallying a team to produce positive outcomes. Lastly, I would say one would need more than "Toughness to gain purpose and strength to continue". You should have faith in your decisions and set goals that are not totally self-serving but actually help the organization meet their goals.

It is critical to allow staff and managers the flexiblity to engage new ideas and launch new ventures, with the proper supports and planning - including having the lattitude to fail. When a project or venture does not go as planned or hoped, it is critical that the leaders in place be tough, resiliant, and operate with humility. I want leaders on my team that can honestly evaluate a project and identify an improved path forward - not one who will seek to cover up short-comings or make excuses. In order to facilitate this process, to reward leaders for their toughness & humility, for getting up when knocked down, they have to have permission to get knocked down on occasion and to know that they will be judged for how they respond to the negative situation and how quickly and capably they "got up" rather than on the specific project failure.

Wow, I am so impressed with the "words of wisdom" that have been shared by so many different individuals. The way each complimented the other before stating their views was really moving.

I agree with all of the comments stated thus far. I would like to add the notion of "playing the favorites". I have found that when manager openly professes to having a "favorite" employee the morale of the group drops drastically and this drop lasts for a long time. I understand and agree with the benefits of promoting positive actions/behaviors from individuals and groups; however, managers have to monitor how much and to what extent that promotion is given.

In management, details are very important!!!!!!

I really enjoyed the conversation. Thanks to all who particiapted. Keep up the good work. You all are making a difference - a positive difference that is very needed and well appreciated.

Good one. I also liked the comments from all.

A good leader is like God. Lord All mighty, the most merficul and and gracious. Who created every thing for us, needs nothing from us and loves to give. See how He forgives and gives time to improve. See How he never punishes without teaching and training and His punishment is always the result of our own mistakes and nothing added from His side. In his laws of nature all the good is from Him and all the pain is from our own mistakes. So lets rule like the ruler who rules on every thing.

javaid

working under presuure not neccessarly increase the output, sometimes it gives adverse effects. I believe inclusiveness and belongingness among working partner not only reconfigure the value chain but also change the competitive scope by increasing the efficiency.